Tuesday, 16 October 2012
Stilettos – the new WMD?
I think I’ve cracked it! After viewing the enjoyable #Cybergeddon over the internet at the weekend and catching up with ‘Nikita’ on the planner I have realised that the world could become a safer place if women assassins /FBI agents/undercover something’s go out and do their thing wearing a pair of stilettos. I started to ponder this and seem to remember an impressive towering heeled Cat Women in The Dark Knight Rises, and even good old Lois Lane in Superman who became a superhero called Stiletto...
I marvelled at how these women pushed, punched and generally kicked butt in footwear that can only be described as terrifying. Personally I would have problems walking to the bus stop in some of the shoe attire which adorned those perfect size 5 feet, let alone saving a nation from nuclear meltdown or from the clutches of a madmen seeking world domination.
However saying that I did have a quick glance at my rows of shoes and boots, sitting waiting for the day they will be taken out of my closet, and I felt quite proud of the fact that if necessary I could probably play my part in keeping the world safe.
Clearly the kitten heels would be of little use, but I do have a pair of lethal looking shoes with studs on, which I am sure could rise to the challenge, as I’m around 6’1” with them on! Only women who have a serious shoe habit will understand that you don’t actually have to walk in them. As long as your toes can wiggle in and your heels can rock from side to side until firmly rooted the walking unaided part is optional. It is Mission Accomplished as you admire your new shoes. Ok so there will be pain, we know this, but it is often a small price to pay for the sheer excitement of wearing killer heels. Of course in these cases there would be no room for martial arts or anything remotely superheroesque , nerves of steel and total focus would be required just to remain upright!
I am a 50 something who has never quite grown out of the thrill of a good old girly shoe shop.
The sad fact is that my feet seem to have expanded over the years and I now have bunions and an in growing toenail, (too much information?), but that still does not detract from my habit. It just ensures that these days I look and covet more than I actually buy. Imelda Marcos I’m not. Apparently when she fled the Philippines a staggering 1,220 pair of shoes lay abandoned in a closet. Now that is one seriously large space for shoes!
Saying that though it would be marvellous to have a walk in swanky shoe closet with all the shoes and boots in boxes and a photo of the contents on the outside of the box. I did make a start at doing exactly that with my scant collection, but then my youngest son Ash went to Afghanistan...
You see when our troops are Out There we are allowed to send shoe box size parcels free of charge to them. During Ash’s tour on OperationHerrick 14 I sent 49 boxes. Each box was as a kiss from home. I imagined that as he opened each box he would be surrounded by us, his family and feel the love and hugs we had packed into them.
It became a mission to find things to pop into the box, surprises sitting alongside the toiletries and food. I sent him frisbies and juggling balls, photos and magazines, even hanging shelves from IKEA! When I had exhausted the supply of shoe boxes from my closet I started to beg for empty boxes from the local Clarkes, but looking back I now realise that I actually missed a trick. I had a bona fide excuse to go out and buy 49 pairs of new shoes and boots.
I mean it would be helping the country, our troops and the war effort and we all have to do our little bit now, don’t we?